so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.