before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!