its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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