and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.