i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
