you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
