he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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