My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
