Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
