Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
