hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
