I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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