you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
