i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm bleeding and have questions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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