i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
