i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
