Cold hands, warm shart.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
