I am midnight drunk by noon
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
