i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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