is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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