ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
