is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
