I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
