the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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