She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
