some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
