dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
