i don't like sucking hair
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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