Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
