it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
