it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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