he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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