Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
