I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
