Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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