They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
