Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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