i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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