it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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