this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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