a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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