you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
