Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
