I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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