Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
