LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
