I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
