using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
