I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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