Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
