belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
