I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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