He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
