I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
