Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
