I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
