the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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