I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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