I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
