At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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