i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
