His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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