Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
