I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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