were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He kissed a someone with a penis
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
