It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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