i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
a search helicopter?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
