A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
