Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
