dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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