dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
