Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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