Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
