I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
