I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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