Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
