She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i think i just lost a toe
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
