I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
