i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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