So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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