he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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