God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
