What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
