So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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