So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
