I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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