I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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